I quit! Yup...I quit. I quit blogging. I quit thinking. I quit feeling. I quit WeightWatchers. I quit life some days. I don't think I'm ready to divulge all that has gone on in my life in a public forum, but I haven't exactly had an easy time the past few years. In short, life has been a roller coaster and I'm not sure who's running it, but they are not letting me off when I want. So in a desperate attempt to control some aspect of my life, I joined WeightWatchers and started blogging. And in my blog I talked about allergies and food and how great I was doing and my seizures, when in reality it was all a farce...all a charade, trying to trick my readers, or probably more myself, into thinking life was all roses and turkey burgers. Well, I'm blogging again, and I've joined Weight Watchers again. And I'm not saying that life is all roses and turkey burgers now, but I am willing to come onto my blog, this very public forum, and admit that the best I can do is say that I am a work in progress. That somewhere under the facade that I work so hard to keep, that one side of me smiles and tells everyone that I'm fine. And the other side of me hides deep, dark secrets and disturbing thoughts. Thoughts that are mine, not yours, and I have come to realize that no one is allowed to judge me. No one is allowed to come into my world, and try to tell me how I should think or feel or know and have never walked a step in my shoes.
So, I quit...because eating a Big Mac, or two, felt better than sticking with things. I couldn't even control my own emotions, how on earth was I going to calculate how many points were really in that secret sauce. So I ate...and I ate...and I ate...and I'm sad to report to my faithful followers, all what two of them, that I have gained lots back. Lots...and when I say lots I'm 274 lots...jeans that just a few months ago were going to go into the too big pile are now back in the too small pile. All my effort and all my trying and my running and my tallying points went down the drain. You see, my last round of sh!tasticness (I'm saying that's a word, even though the editor thingy wants to highlight it in yellow. Or maybe God's making it yellow, trying to shame me into coming up with a different word, but I call it like it is.) Where were we...oh yes, my last round of sh!tasticness came to a head in the month of October. And honestly, without leading you down a path that I'm not quite ready to post on an open forum, that October was jam-packed full of fun. So, honestly, I have a fear of October, which may be appropriate since it's the month of Halloween. I know that it's just a month. Trust me I know!! I've told myself that, friends have told me that, family has told me that, my therapist has told me that. But, seriously? The anxiety that I have about October is paralyzing, and it's starting earlier and earlier every year. I think that this year it actually started in mid-September. The worrying and analyzing my feelings, the stress...yeah...stress. And if you read back to some of my other posts, I AM A STRESS EATER!!!!!! Argh...so when October rolled around and I began my spiral downward (while trying to make myself look as normal as possible) I began to eat. And eat and eat and eat. Christmas came and New Years and I thought, "Whew!! It's all behind me and I can move forward." So, I started this blog. And that was great. I typed out my feelings, and my meals for the day. People cheered me on. I ate healthier and better. And life was grand. Or that was my plan to show everyone. So, I pushed forward and typed and ate great. And then I exploded. It was too much to take. Too much heartache and pretending that I was OK and struggling with my weight and feeling like the biggest failure in the world. A failure to my children. A failure to my family. A failure to my friends. A failure to God and my church. A failure to myself. So, I ate some more. Until finally, one day I realized, that my jeans didn't fit me anymore. What did I do? What happened? Why did I let myself get this way...AGAIN! I wallowed in my self-pity...and ate a little bit more. Then, I sucked it up and went back to WeightWatchers. I stepped on the scale, terrified at what it would say. I stepped off the scale and saw the number: 284. Ouch...I started sobbing, right in the middle of WeightWatchers. I don't weigh in at a meeting. They cancelled my meeting so I just run in to weigh in and be done. But I probably would have done the same thing even if there was a meeting. I bawled...I was devastated...it was like the final blow. What was I going to do? How was I going to survive this? What would I say to my friends and family? Why am I always such a failure when it comes to my weight. I mean, jeez, I have my Masters degree...you would think I could figure this out. But my leader, Michelle, took my hand and walked me to the wall of products. She opened one of the kits and took out a book. She said, "I know that you bought this when you came to me in January. Have you had a chance to look at it?" I shook my head as the tears poured down my face and I started doing that thing where you're sucking air awkwardly. She smiled and said, "I'm giving you homework. You need to go home, and pull your book out. Turn to page 15 and fill it out." I looked at what she was showing me and it was a page titled: Your Strengths. I shook my head and told her that I couldn't do that. She told me to not focus on the weight, that my strengths aren't tied to my weight. So, I told her I would try. On the page is a list numbered to 10. And here are the strengths that I added to that page that night:
1) I am good at playing the piano.
2) I do my best to be the best mom I can be
3) I am good at making cupcakes
4) I can make people laugh
5) I am very observant and notice everything...even little things
6) I try my best to be a good friend
7) I think I am smart
8) I like to entertain and host parties
9) I think that I am good at my job
10) I try to do my best to please everyone
Now that I feel like I'm on the mend from this latest fall off the wagon, I re-read my list. Tonight actually as I was thinking about what to put in my blog and I just have to say - What a pathetic list! If this was an assignment I had given to one of my kids at school, I would have had a talk with them. This list, although it does discuss some of my strengths, is full of "I think" and "I try" and I don't feel like that is good enough. Those phrases are what wraps me up in this cycle. Everyone I come into contact with would probably tell you how confident I am. How sure of myself I am. Well, people, it's all a facade. My personality leans more towards shy, believe it or not, but as I've grown up, I have forced myself to be the life of the party. The strong, confident person that most of you think I am. But my self-esteem is the lowest it has ever been and I continue through my days letting everyone think that I am confident and ready to take on the world.
So, in an effort to kick this thing off right, I'm re-writing my list the way it should have read in the first place. Not a half-hearted attempt at completing an assignment, but a list that I can refer to in those times when I feel my world is crumbling apart. When the Big Mac is on the table and I only have 9 points left for my day (Big Macs are 14 points by the way!). When I want to melt into a puddle and sob my day away. So...here's my new list, loosely based on the old one.
1) I play the piano, and it is my therapy. I play with emotion, and have brought many crowds to their feet throughout my 32 years of playing. I am very good at playing and I want to pass that on to my children.
2) I am the best mom in the world! Amelia and Emerson are happy, healthy, loved, and they know they are loved. I will not allow myself to feel guilty about leaving them to work because they NEED me to work so that we can have all of the things that we have. I give them exactly what they need, when they need it and we are the best family we can be!
3) I make cupcakes that make others happy. In the simple act of baking I have helped kids celebrate birthdays with owls and nail polish and Minnie Mouse. I have welcomed home a Navy dad from deployment. I have made people smile and oooh and aaah. I have formed bonds with my daughters as they helped me bake, even winning fair ribbons and having the experience of others thinking that our cupcakes were good too.
4) I am funny and joyful and fun to be around. I got my father's quick wit and I thank him for that. I can tell jokes and tell stories, and make people laugh...and that's all I want to do!
5) I am observant and notice everything. I see when people are hurting and need a friend. I see when someone is happy and needs someone to celebrate with. I notice when parents are angry and I need to change the direction of the conversation. I know when a kid needs an extra hug that day. I know when my own kids have had a tough day and we need to fix it with hugs and love and ice cream (or sorbet!).
6) I am a good friend! I'm a great friend. I love like I won't ever get hurt. I am loyal and compassionate and I take care of the people that are closest to me. I remember birthdays and anniversaries. I send cards when someone needs a pick-me-up. I love being a friend and I love having friends.
7) I AM smart. I graduated high school with a 3.997 GPA taking 6 AP classes, 1375 on my SATs, and 8th in my class of 410. I completed all the requirements to go to medical school. I graduated from UW with both a B.S. in Speech and Hearing Sciences and an M.S. in Speech-Language Pathology. I now have a successful career. I am smart.
8) I am very good at entertaining and hosting parties. I love the organization of it. The planning and decorating and getting the food together and cooking. I love having people in our house and I love being with people!
9) I am a great speech therapist. I love my job and I love working with the kids. I can assess a student and diagnose them with a speech or language disorder. I can set up treatment plans and take data (most of the time...HA!). I can exit kids knowing that I did the best job I could for that child. I am passionate about social skills and am constantly trying to better myself in that area.
10) I can only please ME. I can't please everyone and I'm never going to please everyone. I need to understand that I need to take care of me.
So...what is the point of this long, rambling blog post (and this is making the assumption that you continued reading this far)? I quit! But I'm back. And like the million times I've tried to lose weight before, it's a never give up attitude that counts. Life presents you with many challenges where you are going to want to quit. And I've come up with a good selection of them along the way. But, you can't quit! There is so much to see...so much to do...so much to live for! We are all struggling on this ride called life. Some of you may be in the same boat as me with weight being your struggle. Or heartbreak. Or cancer. Or death of a loved one. We all have things that happen where we would rather throw up our hands and quit. I'm guilty! Over the last few years I've quit many times. But I've always come back.
Make your list of at least 10 strengths, but make them like my second list. Confident. Sure. True to what others see about you. Because you can quit as many times as you'd like. Just make sure that you're getting back up. As I move through this life that I've been given, I suddenly realize there's one more thing to add to my list of strengths. I am a survivor and a fighter! And I'm not going to ever, ever quit!
Monday, May 6, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Down 2.8!
YES! Success for another week. After an iffy Sunday, I was happy to see, and be able to report back to you, that you can have one "mess up" day with WW and STILL lose weight! Because I didn't keep track of points at all on Sunday and I'm still down 2.8 for the week! That brings my total to 10.8 pounds in two weeks, or 46.2 down since I started this last time...which was a while ago...
Baby steps! That's the important thing for me to remember. I have noticed this time that I am much more aware of what I am putting in my mouth. The other day, yesterday I guess it was, when I had my little stressful day, I took two pieces of candy and set them on the counter. I picked up the first one to eat it and thought to myself, "What are you doing? You don't even WANT that candy. Put it away!" and I did! So, yay me! Every day, every meal, every bite is a lesson. A lesson in willpower...a lesson in perseverance...a lesson in who I am as a person, and not just a number on the scale. I am so so proud of those numbers that I am finding each week. And I will continue to be proud of those numbers, but it's even more than that! It's the things that make me want to do this. What makes me want to lose weight? I made a list...have you ever (if you have weight to lose) OR with ANY task? Make a list about WHY you are doing what you are doing. To sit down and write out your purpose is an awe-inspiring thing. SO, if you are feeling like you want to lose weight, or get healthier, or start exercising, list out why! Here's mine:
- To stay alive for my children. I can't imagine leaving my girls behind, knowing that they already lost one parent. I don't want to die and leave my children orphans.
-To be able to walk into any department store and know that I will be able to find at least one thing that will fit me.
-To be able to try on bracelets and necklaces and not have that last-minute panic that they're not going to fit.
-To be able to keep up with my friends on walks and not feel like I'm sucking away all the oxygen in the universe.
-To be able to go to an amusement park and not have anxiety about fitting on the roller coaster.
-To be able to move freely and gracefully (not sure this will EVER happen for me, no matter what size I am since I'm constantly tripping or falling over something)
-To join a volleyball team
-To run a 5K, and then a 10K
-To have more energy
-To be able to put my socks and shoes on without feeling like I'm in a cattle roping competition
-To be able to know there is any activity I will be able to do
-To feel prettier
-To gain confidence
-To enjoy life
This is just a partial list...there are 100 more things that I would put on here, and many things that were on the list when I started at 360 pounds that I've already gotten to check off! So, if you are wanting to start and needing some motivation, make your list! I'd love to see what other people add to theirs because maybe there are other people that just want to shave their legs without feeling like you're completing a triathlon. Or maybe there's one other person in the world that would like to walk without feeling like your thighs are applauding you! Reach out to each other for support! Work to reach your goals! I know that blogging has certainly helped focus me. Like I ate some cookies just now, and I was going to open another container and eat some more...or I'm thinking of the french fries that are still on Amelia's plate from dinner. BUT, because I'm blogging and thinking about you all reading about my binge, the french fries will go in the fridge for my kids for later...and the cookie package will remain in the fridge! So, THANK YOU!
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: One cookie that I found in the staff room at work...Grrr....
Lunch: Turkey sandwich with miracle whip and mustard, BBQ Popchips, satsumas, and pineapple
Dinner: Two Whopper, Jrs, small onion ring, a few fries
Dessert: Mini chocolate chip shortbread cookies
I'm planning on cooking something for dinner tomorrow, I think...I still have like half a pig in my fridge from football Sunday, but it might be time to move on from that for now. We'll see how I feel after work tomorrow!! :)
Baby steps! That's the important thing for me to remember. I have noticed this time that I am much more aware of what I am putting in my mouth. The other day, yesterday I guess it was, when I had my little stressful day, I took two pieces of candy and set them on the counter. I picked up the first one to eat it and thought to myself, "What are you doing? You don't even WANT that candy. Put it away!" and I did! So, yay me! Every day, every meal, every bite is a lesson. A lesson in willpower...a lesson in perseverance...a lesson in who I am as a person, and not just a number on the scale. I am so so proud of those numbers that I am finding each week. And I will continue to be proud of those numbers, but it's even more than that! It's the things that make me want to do this. What makes me want to lose weight? I made a list...have you ever (if you have weight to lose) OR with ANY task? Make a list about WHY you are doing what you are doing. To sit down and write out your purpose is an awe-inspiring thing. SO, if you are feeling like you want to lose weight, or get healthier, or start exercising, list out why! Here's mine:
- To stay alive for my children. I can't imagine leaving my girls behind, knowing that they already lost one parent. I don't want to die and leave my children orphans.
-To be able to walk into any department store and know that I will be able to find at least one thing that will fit me.
-To be able to try on bracelets and necklaces and not have that last-minute panic that they're not going to fit.
-To be able to keep up with my friends on walks and not feel like I'm sucking away all the oxygen in the universe.
-To be able to go to an amusement park and not have anxiety about fitting on the roller coaster.
-To be able to move freely and gracefully (not sure this will EVER happen for me, no matter what size I am since I'm constantly tripping or falling over something)
-To join a volleyball team
-To run a 5K, and then a 10K
-To have more energy
-To be able to put my socks and shoes on without feeling like I'm in a cattle roping competition
-To be able to know there is any activity I will be able to do
-To feel prettier
-To gain confidence
-To enjoy life
This is just a partial list...there are 100 more things that I would put on here, and many things that were on the list when I started at 360 pounds that I've already gotten to check off! So, if you are wanting to start and needing some motivation, make your list! I'd love to see what other people add to theirs because maybe there are other people that just want to shave their legs without feeling like you're completing a triathlon. Or maybe there's one other person in the world that would like to walk without feeling like your thighs are applauding you! Reach out to each other for support! Work to reach your goals! I know that blogging has certainly helped focus me. Like I ate some cookies just now, and I was going to open another container and eat some more...or I'm thinking of the french fries that are still on Amelia's plate from dinner. BUT, because I'm blogging and thinking about you all reading about my binge, the french fries will go in the fridge for my kids for later...and the cookie package will remain in the fridge! So, THANK YOU!
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: One cookie that I found in the staff room at work...Grrr....
Lunch: Turkey sandwich with miracle whip and mustard, BBQ Popchips, satsumas, and pineapple
Dinner: Two Whopper, Jrs, small onion ring, a few fries
Dessert: Mini chocolate chip shortbread cookies
I'm planning on cooking something for dinner tomorrow, I think...I still have like half a pig in my fridge from football Sunday, but it might be time to move on from that for now. We'll see how I feel after work tomorrow!! :)
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Great Expectations...
My hopes were so high! There was a plan in place and it was perfect! Life has been admittedly super rough lately, like three years or more lately, and I finally had an idea in place that would be perfect! It would give me just enough umph to continue on in this crazy, roller coaster world. And then...disappointment. Slowly, one piece of my plan gave way and the entire idea crumbled away. I went from elated and hopeful to downtrodden and angry. Don't you hate when that happens?
I know it's not quite the optimistic post of yesterday where I was encouraging peace, love, and joy. But, it's hard to be optimistic when you had your heart set on something that ends up not happening. It kind of feels like just one more blow in a series of hard times. And although nothing will ever compare in magnitude to what has happened to my little family in the past, it's still hard to handle disappointment. BUT, there's also a lesson in it, I'm sure. God is holding me to task...making me realize that there is something bigger than me in this moment. That it's HIS plan, HIS timing, HIS path that I should be following. In the events of my life, quite often, I took control of the drivers seat. I wanted to save my sinking ship and I did my best to steer out of the storm. And in the moments when I felt like I was drowning, it only took a quick second for me to say, "God, this is out of my control. I'm sorry for pushing you aside, but I need you to help me out." and He would. Not always in the way I wanted, or expected...not in the time that I wanted it...not the answer that I needed, but in the way of HIS plans for me and my family.
So, as much as I wanted, or even NEEDED my perfect plan that I had hatched, I will suck it up and know that it didn't happen for a reason. Maybe something better is going to come along!!
Tomorrow is my second weigh in...I can't wait!!! Hopefully it's in the right direction :) Football weekend and a depressing loss from my Seahawks made for a rough eating day on Sunday...
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Whole wheat English Muffin, 1 egg, and 2% milk cheese
Lunch: Two pineapple hot dogs, two whole wheat hot dog buns, pineapple, satsumas
Dinner: Pulled pork with coleslaw on a sesame bun, satsumas
Cross your fingers for a good weigh-in! I'll be checking in tomorrow night :)
I know it's not quite the optimistic post of yesterday where I was encouraging peace, love, and joy. But, it's hard to be optimistic when you had your heart set on something that ends up not happening. It kind of feels like just one more blow in a series of hard times. And although nothing will ever compare in magnitude to what has happened to my little family in the past, it's still hard to handle disappointment. BUT, there's also a lesson in it, I'm sure. God is holding me to task...making me realize that there is something bigger than me in this moment. That it's HIS plan, HIS timing, HIS path that I should be following. In the events of my life, quite often, I took control of the drivers seat. I wanted to save my sinking ship and I did my best to steer out of the storm. And in the moments when I felt like I was drowning, it only took a quick second for me to say, "God, this is out of my control. I'm sorry for pushing you aside, but I need you to help me out." and He would. Not always in the way I wanted, or expected...not in the time that I wanted it...not the answer that I needed, but in the way of HIS plans for me and my family.
So, as much as I wanted, or even NEEDED my perfect plan that I had hatched, I will suck it up and know that it didn't happen for a reason. Maybe something better is going to come along!!
Tomorrow is my second weigh in...I can't wait!!! Hopefully it's in the right direction :) Football weekend and a depressing loss from my Seahawks made for a rough eating day on Sunday...
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Whole wheat English Muffin, 1 egg, and 2% milk cheese
Lunch: Two pineapple hot dogs, two whole wheat hot dog buns, pineapple, satsumas
Dinner: Pulled pork with coleslaw on a sesame bun, satsumas
Cross your fingers for a good weigh-in! I'll be checking in tomorrow night :)
Monday, January 14, 2013
No answers yet...
This morning was Amelia's allergy appointment. I was under the impression that we were going to be doing testing today, but it was just a consult appointment. We have a prescription for Flonase to help with her seasonal allergies. She has "springtime" allergies like grasses and I'm assuming some sort of tree, but the doctor says that Amelia has inflammation in her nose, so we're going to start this and see if that clears her up. We also got a referral to an ENT because her tonsils are ginormous. AND, we are also probably going to end up getting her a medical alert bracelet because she is allergic to pennicilin and Keflex. The doctor says that these meds are forever out because a second reaction will most likely be a fatal one...so...YIKES! We will go in in two weeks for her scratch test to see her other allergies. Dr. Montelbano says there isn't a skin test for pickles (which is on Amelia's list) so I have to take a pickle with us...that makes me laugh for some reason.
I had to take her to get blood drawn because she is allergic to bees we think. That was traumatic and I'm not sure if it was worse for Amelia or me!! Holding down my screaming baby while they dug around in her arm for a vein was NOT the way I wanted to spend my morning. My poor Amelia!! It made me so sad!
So, after talking with the doctor, I don't think I realized the scope of Amelia's allergies...I knew she had reactions her and there, but when you're talking about them all systematically with a physician, it's eye opening...she has a lot of things on her list!! We're still ruling things in/out, but listing out all of the things was daunting. It will be a relief to have a difinitive list. Give her a food and praying she didn't die isn't really how I like to fly as a parent.
The rest of my day was exhausting! Students, three meetings after work in the span of two hours, getting home from work late...a lockdown drill at the end of the day. That was our first lockdown drill since the disastrous events in Connecticut and honestly it was a little heart-stopping to hear the principal announce that it was a lockdown...even in drill form. I had my students in my office, we taped our paper over the window, and turned out lights off. We sat in silence as the principal made her rounds to ensure that we were doing our drill correctly. When the drill was over, the second graders I had in my office had many questions. Why do we practice that? What would you do if a bad man kicked in our door? Would a chainsaw cut through my office door? Would you die for us like that one teacher did? I answered their questions as best I could while maintaining my composure. I reassured them that I would do the best I could do to keep them safe. That I loved them all very much and that I would do everything I could to make sure they made it home to their mommas. Then. we went on playing our speech game and I watched them intently while my mind went spinning. What WOULD I do if confronted with a gunman at our school? Would I be able to fight him off? Would I be able to keep those kids alive? Would I be able to go about my duties as their teacher without my own children's faces flooding into my head?
These are scary times we live in, and there are many times that events stop me in my tracks and have me reflecting on my own life. What I would do...what I wouldn't do...and yet, at the same time, I try not to let these things get in my head. I think that if there is anything that my past has taught me, it is that life is unpredictable. One day things can be going on as if everything is perfecct. Perfect family...perfect husband...perfect job....perfect life. And then, that can all change on a dime. So, I have tried hard to remember not to worry about tomorrow. Today has enough troubles of it's own. Live in the moment. Take in every breath and every moment. Live each day as if it will be your last day! Love fiercely...never miss an opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you. I probably do this to a fault. I'm sure my friends and family get tired of it, but I try to let them know just how much they mean to me. Because one day, you might wake up and they're gone...I bought a picture to hang in my house shortly after Brian died to try and help me remember the little things. It's been one of my New Year goals to try and remember these things:
"Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change, kiss slowly, forgive quickly, play hard, take chances, give everything, and have no regrets. Life is too short to be anything but happy!"
So, I urge all of you to follow these guidelines also...but most importantly, love each other! And tell each other how much they mean to you! You just never know what the next phone call will be...there are only a few regrets I have in my life. And they all center around not telling people what they meant to me until it was too late. So, don't make that mistake! Right now! Call your mommas and thank them for all they've done for you. Write a letter to your favorite teacher to let them know what they meant to you and how they impacted where you are right now! Facebook message that person in high school that helped you through a rough day! For you may never get the chance to do it...so, now that you can - GO!
Food for the Day:
Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: Clubhouse sandwich, side salad with 1000 Island (use your fork to dip in the dressing rather than pour it on your salad! Saves LOTS of calories!) Two pieces of See's chocolates
Dinner: Pulled pork on a sesame bun
Dessert: See's lollipop
I had to take her to get blood drawn because she is allergic to bees we think. That was traumatic and I'm not sure if it was worse for Amelia or me!! Holding down my screaming baby while they dug around in her arm for a vein was NOT the way I wanted to spend my morning. My poor Amelia!! It made me so sad!
So, after talking with the doctor, I don't think I realized the scope of Amelia's allergies...I knew she had reactions her and there, but when you're talking about them all systematically with a physician, it's eye opening...she has a lot of things on her list!! We're still ruling things in/out, but listing out all of the things was daunting. It will be a relief to have a difinitive list. Give her a food and praying she didn't die isn't really how I like to fly as a parent.
The rest of my day was exhausting! Students, three meetings after work in the span of two hours, getting home from work late...a lockdown drill at the end of the day. That was our first lockdown drill since the disastrous events in Connecticut and honestly it was a little heart-stopping to hear the principal announce that it was a lockdown...even in drill form. I had my students in my office, we taped our paper over the window, and turned out lights off. We sat in silence as the principal made her rounds to ensure that we were doing our drill correctly. When the drill was over, the second graders I had in my office had many questions. Why do we practice that? What would you do if a bad man kicked in our door? Would a chainsaw cut through my office door? Would you die for us like that one teacher did? I answered their questions as best I could while maintaining my composure. I reassured them that I would do the best I could do to keep them safe. That I loved them all very much and that I would do everything I could to make sure they made it home to their mommas. Then. we went on playing our speech game and I watched them intently while my mind went spinning. What WOULD I do if confronted with a gunman at our school? Would I be able to fight him off? Would I be able to keep those kids alive? Would I be able to go about my duties as their teacher without my own children's faces flooding into my head?
These are scary times we live in, and there are many times that events stop me in my tracks and have me reflecting on my own life. What I would do...what I wouldn't do...and yet, at the same time, I try not to let these things get in my head. I think that if there is anything that my past has taught me, it is that life is unpredictable. One day things can be going on as if everything is perfecct. Perfect family...perfect husband...perfect job....perfect life. And then, that can all change on a dime. So, I have tried hard to remember not to worry about tomorrow. Today has enough troubles of it's own. Live in the moment. Take in every breath and every moment. Live each day as if it will be your last day! Love fiercely...never miss an opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you. I probably do this to a fault. I'm sure my friends and family get tired of it, but I try to let them know just how much they mean to me. Because one day, you might wake up and they're gone...I bought a picture to hang in my house shortly after Brian died to try and help me remember the little things. It's been one of my New Year goals to try and remember these things:
"Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change, kiss slowly, forgive quickly, play hard, take chances, give everything, and have no regrets. Life is too short to be anything but happy!"
So, I urge all of you to follow these guidelines also...but most importantly, love each other! And tell each other how much they mean to you! You just never know what the next phone call will be...there are only a few regrets I have in my life. And they all center around not telling people what they meant to me until it was too late. So, don't make that mistake! Right now! Call your mommas and thank them for all they've done for you. Write a letter to your favorite teacher to let them know what they meant to you and how they impacted where you are right now! Facebook message that person in high school that helped you through a rough day! For you may never get the chance to do it...so, now that you can - GO!
Food for the Day:
Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: Clubhouse sandwich, side salad with 1000 Island (use your fork to dip in the dressing rather than pour it on your salad! Saves LOTS of calories!) Two pieces of See's chocolates
Dinner: Pulled pork on a sesame bun
Dessert: See's lollipop
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Allergies...
I bet you thought I was going to write about the big game today...well, I think this will be all I will say: Congratulations, Seahawks! I have always rooted for the Seahawks, have always been a Seahawks fan, and will always be a Seahawks fan. The next seven months are going to be loooooong....but I'll make it. The end of the season makes me so sad! As I stated in my earlier post, I love football, so the season ending is kinda like losing my best friend...I'm not sure who I'm going to root for now, although Atlanta seems like an OK team. I'm NOT rooting for the 49ers...or the Patriots...and I'm not too fond of the Ravens...so, I guess Atlanta will be my pick!! And that is all that I'm going to say about football...the wounds are too fresh :)
NOW, onto my topic for tonight: allergies. Amelia was my firstborn...my precious little angel and my first shot at parenthood. So, at her one-year checkup, when her pediatrician said we could introduce eggs to her diet, we came home, make her some scrambled eggs, and got out the camera to document her new food step. It wasn't long before I noticed the single red dot on her face...a red circle with a little "white head" center right on her cheek. I looked at Brian. "Um...what is that?" thinking that Mr. EMT would know what was going on. "I dunno..." And then more appeared...on her other cheek...on her chin...all around her mouth...on her hands...I realized that she was having an allergic reaction and called her pediatrician who told us to give her Benedryl and watch her for signs of difficulty breathing...so much for a Kodak moment. They told us to never give her eggs again for a while. But there was still something not right. At 18 months we went in for her checkup and they gave her her immunizations for that checkup. The next day we woke up to a kiddo who was not the same Amelia. She screamed and cried and banged her head on the floor...she wanted to sit in our laps, but didn't want us to touch her. She would wake up from nap and scream for the next four hours solid. Brian was usually at work so I sat alone, usually next to Amelia screaming, tears streaming down my own face as I struggled to understand what was wrong. Amelia had reflux horribly from the time she was born and had been on baby Prilosec for most of her little life. I wondered if it was getting worse. Also, being that I work in the field of special education, my heart sank as I watched her perform the typical habits of children with Autism or Aspergers. My heart was a wreck as I took her to the pediatrician and told her that I was pretty certain that Amelia was Aspergers...Dr. Reimer smiled at me and said, "No, she's not Aspergers. Her language is better than mine and yours combined (Amelia was speaking in full sentences by 9 months old.) and she is very social." I immediately breathed a sigh of relief and then Dr. Reimer said, "But, I'm fairly certain she has Sensory Processing Disorder." I had heard of this before, but hadn't had any specific students or memories to draw from, so I was again heartbroken. You never want to hear that there is something wrong with your kid, but I knew I needed to get to work. Dr. Reimer wanted to rule out a few things first, so we went for an upper GI, which proved that she did indeed have reflux. The barium they gave her came up immediately. We also did a blood test for food allergies, which I knew egg might be on the list, but didn't think anything else would. The next night Dr. Reimer called me and told me to stop her milk immediately, that she was highly allergic to milk. She then requested that I make an appointment with her to discuss this. It turned out the Amelia is allergic to milk proteins, casein and whey. If you're curious about this, start reading labels to see if you find any form of dairy in food, and specifically casein and whey. When Dr. Reimer told me my first step was to cut out all foods with casein and whey in them, I put Amelia to bed, left Brian at home, and headed for the grocery store to find things for my baby to eat. EVERYTHING in the store had casein and whey...EVERYTHING! I called my mom from Aisle 5 at Safeway sobbing that I didn't know what my baby was going to eat...her favorite foods of all time: milk, cheese, yogurt...it was sad! But, to save her life and make her happier, we cut everything out. She would beg for cheese and yogurt...and we'd have to tell her "No!" It was a rough transition.
Months went by and we would be eating something and she would have a reaction. By the time we started preschool in the fall of 2009, her allergy list included eggs, dairy, pickles, maraschino cherries, tomatoes, and ketchup. We were slowly able to add things back into her diet and we challenged her allergies many times. We would give her a little square of cheese and stand next to her with her Benedryl and her EpiPen and hold our breath...as soon as she would eat the cheese her eyes and nose would start draining, hives would appear, and she would start coughing. We've never had to use her EpiPen...Benedryl has always done the trick thank God! But every time she eats, I'm terrified that I will miss something, or that we'll be at a restaurant and they'll accidentally put cheese on her sandwich. Once she reacted to halibut at a restaurant and we figured there must have been cheese or something that fell in the batter.
Amelia's best advocate? Herself! From the very beginning we have explained to Amelia that she could die if she is not careful. And she understands this. She is always asking and questioning...Does this have cheese? Does this have milk? Is this baked? What kind of frosting is that? She is amazing for five...even when she was two years old, she knew what she could and couldn't have. We went on a field trip with her class at the end of her two-year-preschool year. They gathered all of the kids for snack and the child who brought snack that day chose goldfish crackers and chocolate milk. The teacher handed Amelia a cup full of fish and she said, "I can't have any of that!" I've always been super proud of Amelia and how she handles her allergies.
This summer, Amelia was running around outside barefoot. She stepped on a bee and it stung her toe next to her big toe.. A few hours later she was telling me she needed a cane or something, that it hurt to walk on her foot. I rolled my eyes and told her to suck it up, like the kind, caring momma I am. As I'm tucking her into bed, I catch sight of her foot. It's swollen so badly I can't see her toes and it's hot a red clear up to her knee. We take her to the emergency room where they inform us that she is indeed allergic to bees also. That was when her pediatrician decided that we needed to see an allergist.
So, tomorrow morning, we are headed to the allergists office to do our allergy testing. Amelia is going with the hope that they will tell her we were wrong all of these years...I know that this won't happen, but I am going to be so relieved to be able to nail down exactly what she is allergic to...guessing is rough, and it's so stressful trying new foods and praying that she won't have a reaction. So, blog readers, please send us your prayers tomorrow starting around 8:00 a.m. as we head to get our testing. Pray the doctor can determine what her allergies are. Pray that Amelia doesn't have a severe reaction during the testing. Pray that all will be well! And, if you'd like, pray that Amelia will be able to eat cheese, because that's what Amelia really wants out of this :)
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Um...I'm just going to say, "Thank God for our extra weekly bonus points." and plead the 5th...football food is the worst! I'm hoping the damage wasn't that bad... :) I didn't track, but my best estimate would be:
Pulled pork sandwich with coleslaw, BBQ Popchips, tortilla chips with bean dip, more chocolate chip cookies than anyone should have in one sitting, some crackers and cheese, and two beers...no idea how many points I ate, but with 41 daily points and 48 weekly points that I didn't dip into at all yet, I'm thinking I'll be OK :) So, yay for the WW program! That's why I love it!
NOW, onto my topic for tonight: allergies. Amelia was my firstborn...my precious little angel and my first shot at parenthood. So, at her one-year checkup, when her pediatrician said we could introduce eggs to her diet, we came home, make her some scrambled eggs, and got out the camera to document her new food step. It wasn't long before I noticed the single red dot on her face...a red circle with a little "white head" center right on her cheek. I looked at Brian. "Um...what is that?" thinking that Mr. EMT would know what was going on. "I dunno..." And then more appeared...on her other cheek...on her chin...all around her mouth...on her hands...I realized that she was having an allergic reaction and called her pediatrician who told us to give her Benedryl and watch her for signs of difficulty breathing...so much for a Kodak moment. They told us to never give her eggs again for a while. But there was still something not right. At 18 months we went in for her checkup and they gave her her immunizations for that checkup. The next day we woke up to a kiddo who was not the same Amelia. She screamed and cried and banged her head on the floor...she wanted to sit in our laps, but didn't want us to touch her. She would wake up from nap and scream for the next four hours solid. Brian was usually at work so I sat alone, usually next to Amelia screaming, tears streaming down my own face as I struggled to understand what was wrong. Amelia had reflux horribly from the time she was born and had been on baby Prilosec for most of her little life. I wondered if it was getting worse. Also, being that I work in the field of special education, my heart sank as I watched her perform the typical habits of children with Autism or Aspergers. My heart was a wreck as I took her to the pediatrician and told her that I was pretty certain that Amelia was Aspergers...Dr. Reimer smiled at me and said, "No, she's not Aspergers. Her language is better than mine and yours combined (Amelia was speaking in full sentences by 9 months old.) and she is very social." I immediately breathed a sigh of relief and then Dr. Reimer said, "But, I'm fairly certain she has Sensory Processing Disorder." I had heard of this before, but hadn't had any specific students or memories to draw from, so I was again heartbroken. You never want to hear that there is something wrong with your kid, but I knew I needed to get to work. Dr. Reimer wanted to rule out a few things first, so we went for an upper GI, which proved that she did indeed have reflux. The barium they gave her came up immediately. We also did a blood test for food allergies, which I knew egg might be on the list, but didn't think anything else would. The next night Dr. Reimer called me and told me to stop her milk immediately, that she was highly allergic to milk. She then requested that I make an appointment with her to discuss this. It turned out the Amelia is allergic to milk proteins, casein and whey. If you're curious about this, start reading labels to see if you find any form of dairy in food, and specifically casein and whey. When Dr. Reimer told me my first step was to cut out all foods with casein and whey in them, I put Amelia to bed, left Brian at home, and headed for the grocery store to find things for my baby to eat. EVERYTHING in the store had casein and whey...EVERYTHING! I called my mom from Aisle 5 at Safeway sobbing that I didn't know what my baby was going to eat...her favorite foods of all time: milk, cheese, yogurt...it was sad! But, to save her life and make her happier, we cut everything out. She would beg for cheese and yogurt...and we'd have to tell her "No!" It was a rough transition.
Months went by and we would be eating something and she would have a reaction. By the time we started preschool in the fall of 2009, her allergy list included eggs, dairy, pickles, maraschino cherries, tomatoes, and ketchup. We were slowly able to add things back into her diet and we challenged her allergies many times. We would give her a little square of cheese and stand next to her with her Benedryl and her EpiPen and hold our breath...as soon as she would eat the cheese her eyes and nose would start draining, hives would appear, and she would start coughing. We've never had to use her EpiPen...Benedryl has always done the trick thank God! But every time she eats, I'm terrified that I will miss something, or that we'll be at a restaurant and they'll accidentally put cheese on her sandwich. Once she reacted to halibut at a restaurant and we figured there must have been cheese or something that fell in the batter.
Amelia's best advocate? Herself! From the very beginning we have explained to Amelia that she could die if she is not careful. And she understands this. She is always asking and questioning...Does this have cheese? Does this have milk? Is this baked? What kind of frosting is that? She is amazing for five...even when she was two years old, she knew what she could and couldn't have. We went on a field trip with her class at the end of her two-year-preschool year. They gathered all of the kids for snack and the child who brought snack that day chose goldfish crackers and chocolate milk. The teacher handed Amelia a cup full of fish and she said, "I can't have any of that!" I've always been super proud of Amelia and how she handles her allergies.
This summer, Amelia was running around outside barefoot. She stepped on a bee and it stung her toe next to her big toe.. A few hours later she was telling me she needed a cane or something, that it hurt to walk on her foot. I rolled my eyes and told her to suck it up, like the kind, caring momma I am. As I'm tucking her into bed, I catch sight of her foot. It's swollen so badly I can't see her toes and it's hot a red clear up to her knee. We take her to the emergency room where they inform us that she is indeed allergic to bees also. That was when her pediatrician decided that we needed to see an allergist.
So, tomorrow morning, we are headed to the allergists office to do our allergy testing. Amelia is going with the hope that they will tell her we were wrong all of these years...I know that this won't happen, but I am going to be so relieved to be able to nail down exactly what she is allergic to...guessing is rough, and it's so stressful trying new foods and praying that she won't have a reaction. So, blog readers, please send us your prayers tomorrow starting around 8:00 a.m. as we head to get our testing. Pray the doctor can determine what her allergies are. Pray that Amelia doesn't have a severe reaction during the testing. Pray that all will be well! And, if you'd like, pray that Amelia will be able to eat cheese, because that's what Amelia really wants out of this :)
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Um...I'm just going to say, "Thank God for our extra weekly bonus points." and plead the 5th...football food is the worst! I'm hoping the damage wasn't that bad... :) I didn't track, but my best estimate would be:
Pulled pork sandwich with coleslaw, BBQ Popchips, tortilla chips with bean dip, more chocolate chip cookies than anyone should have in one sitting, some crackers and cheese, and two beers...no idea how many points I ate, but with 41 daily points and 48 weekly points that I didn't dip into at all yet, I'm thinking I'll be OK :) So, yay for the WW program! That's why I love it!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
A day late...
I missed yesterday blogging for the first time since I started, but I just didn't have time. The girls and I had dinner and fun time with some great friends and we didn't get home until later. So, bath and bed routine beat out blogging...I'm sure you all have no idea what to do with your Friday night without hearing from me...ha!
So, today is Saturday. So, it's basically just a day to catch up on chores. I got the laundry all washed and it's ready to fold. The house picked up. Then, around noon I got a headache that took me down for a bit. I laid on the couch and tried to kick it. But, I needed to head to the grocery store so I sucked it up and went to Safeway (thanks, mom!). I'm having a few people over tomorrow morning to watch the Seahawks beat Atlanta...YAY! If you would like to join us, please do! The more the merrier...just bring something to share :) I'm making pulled pork sandwiches...my FAVORITE!! So, it should be a fun day. I might even have a beer...if I have 4 points left to spare!
My food choices lately have been good, but I have been SO hungry! And not feeling great makes it harder for me. When I have a headache I tend to want to eat, until it gets to the point where I'm nauseous...which is NOW. So, no more eating today, but I've been snacking on things that a shouldn't. A few M&Ms here, some fish crackers there...hopefully I've saved enough spare points today that it will just take care of what I've consumed. Grr...
I stayed off of Pinterest as long as I possibly could, but now that I got sucked into signing up, I'm hooked!! I found a pin that was 27 fruits and veggies you can grow from scraps. I try my hand at gardening every spring and summer and usually get a few good things out of it, so I thought I would give this a try. My first attempt was with celery. According to the pin, all I had to do was chop the celery off of the stalk, and put the stalk with the nubbin (lol...not sure that's a real word, but my friends and family use it all the time..so, I'll let you figure out what end I mean...) side down in a bowl with warm water. Leave it there for a few days, changing the water every so often with warm water. I'm pleased to report that this is WORKING! SEE???
So, I'm going to try the other things and maybe we'll be able to expand our little garden throughout the spring and summer months. I love farm-fresh fruits and veggies and we have gotten some great stuff from our previous yields: carrots, peas, potatoes, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, tomatoes, and more! My soil is mostly clay, which makes it hard to grow, but thanks to Lynn and Royce, I have four raised beds I'm going to plant this spring! And I'm going to try my hand at container gardening. There have also been other fabulous ideas on Pinterest, so hopefully they go from being pins to being amazingness in my yard!!
OK...so, its bath time soon...and I'm excited because that means that bed is shortly after :) So, good night to you all!! I'll post my menus from the last TWO days since I was lazy and didn't do yesterday!! I hope to start incorporate walking into my routine soon. I have an app that I found that I have on my iPhone that it a couch to 10K program so...a friend at work asked me to join her in the Portland 1/2 marathon in October...I can do that maybe!! So, training better commence NOW!! Wish me luck...
FOOD FOR FRIDAY:
Breakfast: None
Lunch: Footlong Subway turkey breast with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions, mustard, lite mayo, pepper, and vinegar, Baked Original Lays, and two pieces of See's chocolate
Dinner: 2 and a half pieces pubhouse battered halibut, baked french fries, salad with lite Ranch, green beans, corn
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: None
Lunch: Pulled Pork with Open Nature Whole Wheat Sandwich Roll
Dinner: Two Aidells Pineapple chicken hot dogs (best things EVER! Safeway sent them to me once when I ordered online groceries for free to try, and they were amazing, but hard to find! They had them today so we stocked up!! Try them!! Seriously!!) with Open Nature hot dog buns, sweet relish, mustard, and ketchup.
Extras: miscellaneous crap that I managed to nibble on throughout the day...which hopefully doesn't add up to more than nine points :( THIS is not how you're supposed to work the program, but some days...ugh...
GO SEAHAWKS!! Like I said...if you want to join the party, come on over!!
So, today is Saturday. So, it's basically just a day to catch up on chores. I got the laundry all washed and it's ready to fold. The house picked up. Then, around noon I got a headache that took me down for a bit. I laid on the couch and tried to kick it. But, I needed to head to the grocery store so I sucked it up and went to Safeway (thanks, mom!). I'm having a few people over tomorrow morning to watch the Seahawks beat Atlanta...YAY! If you would like to join us, please do! The more the merrier...just bring something to share :) I'm making pulled pork sandwiches...my FAVORITE!! So, it should be a fun day. I might even have a beer...if I have 4 points left to spare!
My food choices lately have been good, but I have been SO hungry! And not feeling great makes it harder for me. When I have a headache I tend to want to eat, until it gets to the point where I'm nauseous...which is NOW. So, no more eating today, but I've been snacking on things that a shouldn't. A few M&Ms here, some fish crackers there...hopefully I've saved enough spare points today that it will just take care of what I've consumed. Grr...
I stayed off of Pinterest as long as I possibly could, but now that I got sucked into signing up, I'm hooked!! I found a pin that was 27 fruits and veggies you can grow from scraps. I try my hand at gardening every spring and summer and usually get a few good things out of it, so I thought I would give this a try. My first attempt was with celery. According to the pin, all I had to do was chop the celery off of the stalk, and put the stalk with the nubbin (lol...not sure that's a real word, but my friends and family use it all the time..so, I'll let you figure out what end I mean...) side down in a bowl with warm water. Leave it there for a few days, changing the water every so often with warm water. I'm pleased to report that this is WORKING! SEE???
So, I'm going to try the other things and maybe we'll be able to expand our little garden throughout the spring and summer months. I love farm-fresh fruits and veggies and we have gotten some great stuff from our previous yields: carrots, peas, potatoes, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, tomatoes, and more! My soil is mostly clay, which makes it hard to grow, but thanks to Lynn and Royce, I have four raised beds I'm going to plant this spring! And I'm going to try my hand at container gardening. There have also been other fabulous ideas on Pinterest, so hopefully they go from being pins to being amazingness in my yard!!
OK...so, its bath time soon...and I'm excited because that means that bed is shortly after :) So, good night to you all!! I'll post my menus from the last TWO days since I was lazy and didn't do yesterday!! I hope to start incorporate walking into my routine soon. I have an app that I found that I have on my iPhone that it a couch to 10K program so...a friend at work asked me to join her in the Portland 1/2 marathon in October...I can do that maybe!! So, training better commence NOW!! Wish me luck...
FOOD FOR FRIDAY:
Breakfast: None
Lunch: Footlong Subway turkey breast with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions, mustard, lite mayo, pepper, and vinegar, Baked Original Lays, and two pieces of See's chocolate
Dinner: 2 and a half pieces pubhouse battered halibut, baked french fries, salad with lite Ranch, green beans, corn
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: None
Lunch: Pulled Pork with Open Nature Whole Wheat Sandwich Roll
Dinner: Two Aidells Pineapple chicken hot dogs (best things EVER! Safeway sent them to me once when I ordered online groceries for free to try, and they were amazing, but hard to find! They had them today so we stocked up!! Try them!! Seriously!!) with Open Nature hot dog buns, sweet relish, mustard, and ketchup.
Extras: miscellaneous crap that I managed to nibble on throughout the day...which hopefully doesn't add up to more than nine points :( THIS is not how you're supposed to work the program, but some days...ugh...
GO SEAHAWKS!! Like I said...if you want to join the party, come on over!!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
*YAWN*
I am super tired...like falling asleep at the dinner table tired...so this isn't going to be any sort of brilliant post today. I was too tired to cook so sandwiches were on the menu...no pictures of food...no amazing recipes...no words of wisdom or insight. I'm a little bit grumpy...but, I get to have my girls here with me at home, which makes my heart happy! I love my girls more than anything! And they bring me such joy and happiness...even on days where I'm exhausted and tired and headachy and wanting to go to bed.
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Smart Ones English Muffin Sandwich with Turkey Canadian Bacon, Starbucks Venti unsweetened passion fruit iced tea
Lunch: More pulled pork sandwiches, two satsumas, blueberries, 1 piece See's chocolate
Dinner: Turkey sandwich with miracle whip, mustard, and onion, ranch tortilla Popchips
Dessert: See's lollipop
Pretty boring food day I suppose, but these days are important to have. The girls had lots of leftovers from lunches
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Smart Ones English Muffin Sandwich with Turkey Canadian Bacon, Starbucks Venti unsweetened passion fruit iced tea
Lunch: More pulled pork sandwiches, two satsumas, blueberries, 1 piece See's chocolate
Dinner: Turkey sandwich with miracle whip, mustard, and onion, ranch tortilla Popchips
Dessert: See's lollipop
Pretty boring food day I suppose, but these days are important to have. The girls had lots of leftovers from lunches
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Drum roll, please...
Last night as I was sitting in the tub with my girls, we could hear the wind and the rain pounding against the window. Amelia got more and more panicky about the storm. She is very afraid of the dark so knowing that the power could go out at any minute is one of her most frightening scenarios.
"Oh no! Mommy!! What is the power goes out? What'll we DO?"
I made the fatal mistake of a parent and promised something I couldn't deliver on:
"Amelia, don't be silly! The power isn't going to..." and then we were sitting in the bathtub in complete blackness.
"Mommy! You said it wasn't going to happen!"
After making sure that everyone stayed calm, I stood up, felt my way through the darkness, and found my iPhone. Luckily, I have a flashlight app so we could all get dried off and get out of the tub. With two little ones clinging to my leg, I walked through the house collecting pull-ups, panties,jammies, candles, and a lighter. I lit candles that filled the living room with light, got the girls snug in their jammies and then sat down to try and calm my neurotic five-year-old.
"Isn't this so cool, Amelia?"
"NO! What are you talking about? We can't see anything! We had to cut bath short! And the TV doesn't work!"
While this conversation was happening, Emerson was walking around the house in the dark flipping switches on and exclaiming, "Mommy! This one no work too! Better call Pa!" She did not understand that this was bigger than Pa.
I explained to Amelia that this would be fun! That we could pretend we were like Laura Ingalls. She asked who that was and I went on explaining the premise behind my favorite books in the world. As I'm talking about Laura growing up with no electricity and no cars, I suddenly hear the Dora theme song in the background. Amelia yells, "Nevermind, mommy! Emerson got Netflix to work on the iPad. We're SAVED!" So much for living like pioneers.
Our little situation last night kept me awake most of the night (I'm sure there will be a post someday on my sleeping situation, or lack of sleeping rather.) All I could do is think about our situation the last few years. The hard times that we have fallen on. The loss and sadness. The turmoil and angst and difficulties. And then I thought about the blessings that we have. I have two of the most beautiful little girls in the universe. I have a house that I love. I have two vehicles and a good job. We are never lacking for food. I can pay most of my bills on time. :) I have amazing friends and family who have helped me through hell and back. I am blessed. We are blessed. And it's sort of like the power being off. The power was cut to our lives. The stuffing knocked out of us. Our perfect lives crumbled and fell apart. And we were in the dark. And I know that if my children hadn't been there for me, I'm not sure that we would have made it out of the dark. But, with the blessings that I have, we have fought our way back. We found our comfort, our "Netflix" let's say, and we are riding out the storm. We have each other, we're holding each other, and we will make it out of the darkness. We may stub our toes, or have to pick up lawn furniture, but together we stand strong and we will prevail. I know that there are days that I will seem like the darkness will overwhelm me and I will be afraid of the deepness of the dark, but I have hope and comfort in knowing that I am strong, and I have two strong little girls. 2013 is my year, in case you all forgot. And this year I am quietly looking for the lessons in the little things. I'm trying to relate the day to day scenarios to my big picture and trying to see if I can learn from those and apply those. And so far, this plan is working beautifully.
I wish you all light and brightness, but for those days when your power goes out, remember to lean on the comfort of each other. And pause to ride out the storm. Because it always ends eventually! And after you have survived the storm, there is just something amazing about the calm after the storm! Now, to just listen to and apply my own words...LOL!
So, for the big news of the day! Today was my one week weigh in! To remind you, last week I weighed in at 271.6. Tonight, I weighed in at 263.6! 8.0 pounds down. So, that was a great start for me. It's always nice when you get a big loss in your first week back to get the momentum going! So, yay for continuing on the plan and yay for not having the gnaw my arm off to do it!!
FOOD FOR TODAY:
Breakfast: Smart Ones English Muffin Sandwich
Lunch: Pulled pork leftovers, two oranges, celery, blackberries
Dinner: Two Whopper Junior Sandwiches, small onion ring (Wednesday after WeightWatchers is my out to dinner reward for the week where I dip into my weekly points a bit. Whopper Juniors are 9 points a piece without cheese, so at 18 points for two, I still stay within my points! I went one over for my dailies because I lost a point by losing so much weight. Yup...you're rewarded for losing weight with WW by getting points taken away from your daily total. It's a good moment, and a bad moment all rolled into one! But, here's to losing more points...and pounds!)
"Oh no! Mommy!! What is the power goes out? What'll we DO?"
I made the fatal mistake of a parent and promised something I couldn't deliver on:
"Amelia, don't be silly! The power isn't going to..." and then we were sitting in the bathtub in complete blackness.
"Mommy! You said it wasn't going to happen!"
After making sure that everyone stayed calm, I stood up, felt my way through the darkness, and found my iPhone. Luckily, I have a flashlight app so we could all get dried off and get out of the tub. With two little ones clinging to my leg, I walked through the house collecting pull-ups, panties,jammies, candles, and a lighter. I lit candles that filled the living room with light, got the girls snug in their jammies and then sat down to try and calm my neurotic five-year-old.
"Isn't this so cool, Amelia?"
"NO! What are you talking about? We can't see anything! We had to cut bath short! And the TV doesn't work!"
While this conversation was happening, Emerson was walking around the house in the dark flipping switches on and exclaiming, "Mommy! This one no work too! Better call Pa!" She did not understand that this was bigger than Pa.
I explained to Amelia that this would be fun! That we could pretend we were like Laura Ingalls. She asked who that was and I went on explaining the premise behind my favorite books in the world. As I'm talking about Laura growing up with no electricity and no cars, I suddenly hear the Dora theme song in the background. Amelia yells, "Nevermind, mommy! Emerson got Netflix to work on the iPad. We're SAVED!" So much for living like pioneers.
Our little situation last night kept me awake most of the night (I'm sure there will be a post someday on my sleeping situation, or lack of sleeping rather.) All I could do is think about our situation the last few years. The hard times that we have fallen on. The loss and sadness. The turmoil and angst and difficulties. And then I thought about the blessings that we have. I have two of the most beautiful little girls in the universe. I have a house that I love. I have two vehicles and a good job. We are never lacking for food. I can pay most of my bills on time. :) I have amazing friends and family who have helped me through hell and back. I am blessed. We are blessed. And it's sort of like the power being off. The power was cut to our lives. The stuffing knocked out of us. Our perfect lives crumbled and fell apart. And we were in the dark. And I know that if my children hadn't been there for me, I'm not sure that we would have made it out of the dark. But, with the blessings that I have, we have fought our way back. We found our comfort, our "Netflix" let's say, and we are riding out the storm. We have each other, we're holding each other, and we will make it out of the darkness. We may stub our toes, or have to pick up lawn furniture, but together we stand strong and we will prevail. I know that there are days that I will seem like the darkness will overwhelm me and I will be afraid of the deepness of the dark, but I have hope and comfort in knowing that I am strong, and I have two strong little girls. 2013 is my year, in case you all forgot. And this year I am quietly looking for the lessons in the little things. I'm trying to relate the day to day scenarios to my big picture and trying to see if I can learn from those and apply those. And so far, this plan is working beautifully.
I wish you all light and brightness, but for those days when your power goes out, remember to lean on the comfort of each other. And pause to ride out the storm. Because it always ends eventually! And after you have survived the storm, there is just something amazing about the calm after the storm! Now, to just listen to and apply my own words...LOL!
So, for the big news of the day! Today was my one week weigh in! To remind you, last week I weighed in at 271.6. Tonight, I weighed in at 263.6! 8.0 pounds down. So, that was a great start for me. It's always nice when you get a big loss in your first week back to get the momentum going! So, yay for continuing on the plan and yay for not having the gnaw my arm off to do it!!
FOOD FOR TODAY:
Breakfast: Smart Ones English Muffin Sandwich
Lunch: Pulled pork leftovers, two oranges, celery, blackberries
Dinner: Two Whopper Junior Sandwiches, small onion ring (Wednesday after WeightWatchers is my out to dinner reward for the week where I dip into my weekly points a bit. Whopper Juniors are 9 points a piece without cheese, so at 18 points for two, I still stay within my points! I went one over for my dailies because I lost a point by losing so much weight. Yup...you're rewarded for losing weight with WW by getting points taken away from your daily total. It's a good moment, and a bad moment all rolled into one! But, here's to losing more points...and pounds!)
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Day Five...
As I stated in my first post...I have done WeightWatchers MANY times. I know it works! I've lost literally HUNDREDS of pounds doing WeightWatchers. I can tell you the points of many things in my head. I will always know that an egg is two points. I will always know that four ounces of deli turkey is two points. I will always know that one ounce of most any cheese is three points. I kinda have this down.
I also have made many observations about the process, or should I say MY process. I know that after a gain my first week back on program is usually above the average of 0.5-2 pounds you should be losing a week. I know that if I eat my weekly points that WW allows, I will not lose. I know that drinking alcohol typically makes me not lose that week. I know that I can earn activity points (yup...you get to eat more if you exercise...it's still not really worth the trade off to me yet...) BUT I cannot use those activity points. I know that certain medications make me gain. I know that salt is bad. But the title of this post is day five. The fifth day that I have been on track. It is around this fifth day that my body says, "What the hell are you doing? We had a deal! You feed me burgers and chips and fudge and cookies and I keep you happy." and I kind of go into a "starvation" mode of sorts. My body kicks into high gear and all I think about ALL DAY LONG is food. Sweet, salty, whatever! It doesn't matter! It just wants to eat! So all day long at work (again!) all I could think about was food. I was starving from the minute I walked in the doors at school to sitting down just now to write this post. BUT, I think this is the first time I've realized that this is what is happening! So, I texted a friend. She and I talked about this little dilemma and I threatened to eat my arm off (I was that hungry, and thought it would help out my scale number tomorrow!!). She talked me down off the ledge by telling me not to blow it before my weigh in tomorrow and I moved on with my day. At the end of the day, I stayed within my points, and I learned that I have a good resource for helping me when these things come up. So double win! The other thing that helped? Knowing I would have to report to this blog tonight and share with the world (because I actually think the whole world is reading this...HA!) that I had binged, or eaten my arm was also enough the give me pause. So, thank you blog-readers!
Typing my post was just interrupted by the sound of silence. When you have a two year old in the house silence can be even more frightening than screams of bloody murder. So, I fearfully got up out of my chair and walked around the house...not in the playroom...not in the living room. Amelia was..."Um...La, do you know where Em is?" "I think she's in the kitchen." The kitchen that I had just finished cleaning. I slowly turned and heard her start humming softly to herself. I came around the corner to find Emerson on her hands and knees with about eight towels, mopping the floor. Investigating further, she had gotten into the fridge, got a bowl, put blackberries in the bowl, and managed to pour the entire quart of 1/2 and 1/2 over the berries in the bowl...something she and I have shared many times.
"Emerson Jane! What did you do?"
"Bowy (sorry) Mommy...I healthy like you."
As mad as I wanted to be, I also took a moment to be proud. Proud of Em, but also proud of myself because not only am I losing weight and doing WW to be healthier for myself, but I'm also laying the groundwork to help my kids be healthy too. Another double win!
Tomorrow is weigh-in and I am looking forward to the number that might appear on that scale! And I'm looking forward to being able to share that (hopeful) success with you all in tomorrow night's blog. I hope it's a good number! BUT, since this is a marathon and not a sprint, any number down will be a step in the right direction!
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Pineapple Chobani Greek Yogurt and Open Nature Honey Dream Granola
Lunch: Green Chili and Cheddar Turkey Burger (last one - see? Leftovers are GREAT!), 3 mandarin oranges, and 1 piece of See's chocolate
Dinner: Pulled pork sandwiches, brussel sprouts (This is one of my favorite meals EVER! And super easy. I do it in my crock pot so it's ready when I get home from work, and maybe to also taunt my poor babysitters all day long because YUM! I've had brussel sprouts before and I just steam them and I usually love them...but YUCK! This time I don't know if they weren't good or what, but they were mushy. I'm a HUGE texture person so most of these went to the chickens...eew!)
Dessert: 5 mini all butter chocolate chip shortbread cookies
I also have made many observations about the process, or should I say MY process. I know that after a gain my first week back on program is usually above the average of 0.5-2 pounds you should be losing a week. I know that if I eat my weekly points that WW allows, I will not lose. I know that drinking alcohol typically makes me not lose that week. I know that I can earn activity points (yup...you get to eat more if you exercise...it's still not really worth the trade off to me yet...) BUT I cannot use those activity points. I know that certain medications make me gain. I know that salt is bad. But the title of this post is day five. The fifth day that I have been on track. It is around this fifth day that my body says, "What the hell are you doing? We had a deal! You feed me burgers and chips and fudge and cookies and I keep you happy." and I kind of go into a "starvation" mode of sorts. My body kicks into high gear and all I think about ALL DAY LONG is food. Sweet, salty, whatever! It doesn't matter! It just wants to eat! So all day long at work (again!) all I could think about was food. I was starving from the minute I walked in the doors at school to sitting down just now to write this post. BUT, I think this is the first time I've realized that this is what is happening! So, I texted a friend. She and I talked about this little dilemma and I threatened to eat my arm off (I was that hungry, and thought it would help out my scale number tomorrow!!). She talked me down off the ledge by telling me not to blow it before my weigh in tomorrow and I moved on with my day. At the end of the day, I stayed within my points, and I learned that I have a good resource for helping me when these things come up. So double win! The other thing that helped? Knowing I would have to report to this blog tonight and share with the world (because I actually think the whole world is reading this...HA!) that I had binged, or eaten my arm was also enough the give me pause. So, thank you blog-readers!
Typing my post was just interrupted by the sound of silence. When you have a two year old in the house silence can be even more frightening than screams of bloody murder. So, I fearfully got up out of my chair and walked around the house...not in the playroom...not in the living room. Amelia was..."Um...La, do you know where Em is?" "I think she's in the kitchen." The kitchen that I had just finished cleaning. I slowly turned and heard her start humming softly to herself. I came around the corner to find Emerson on her hands and knees with about eight towels, mopping the floor. Investigating further, she had gotten into the fridge, got a bowl, put blackberries in the bowl, and managed to pour the entire quart of 1/2 and 1/2 over the berries in the bowl...something she and I have shared many times.
"Emerson Jane! What did you do?"
"Bowy (sorry) Mommy...I healthy like you."
As mad as I wanted to be, I also took a moment to be proud. Proud of Em, but also proud of myself because not only am I losing weight and doing WW to be healthier for myself, but I'm also laying the groundwork to help my kids be healthy too. Another double win!
Tomorrow is weigh-in and I am looking forward to the number that might appear on that scale! And I'm looking forward to being able to share that (hopeful) success with you all in tomorrow night's blog. I hope it's a good number! BUT, since this is a marathon and not a sprint, any number down will be a step in the right direction!
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Pineapple Chobani Greek Yogurt and Open Nature Honey Dream Granola
Lunch: Green Chili and Cheddar Turkey Burger (last one - see? Leftovers are GREAT!), 3 mandarin oranges, and 1 piece of See's chocolate
Dinner: Pulled pork sandwiches, brussel sprouts (This is one of my favorite meals EVER! And super easy. I do it in my crock pot so it's ready when I get home from work, and maybe to also taunt my poor babysitters all day long because YUM! I've had brussel sprouts before and I just steam them and I usually love them...but YUCK! This time I don't know if they weren't good or what, but they were mushy. I'm a HUGE texture person so most of these went to the chickens...eew!)
Dessert: 5 mini all butter chocolate chip shortbread cookies
Monday, January 7, 2013
Back to School
Well, today we all made the trudge back to school...mine was a trudge. Amelia and Emerson were both thrilled to be heading back to see teachers and friends, which I adore! I'm so happy with both of their schools and I'm so thankful that they are well taken care of, learning lots, and happy! That's what's important to me! So, I trudged...I know that I love my job (I'm a speech-language pathologist for a public school if you don't know) and I love working with kids. BUT, over Christmas break, I had myself convinced that if I could keep my current salary and be a stay at home mom, I might want to do that! But, we do enjoy eating and playing and having fun...so off to work I went.
Once I got there I was glad...it was nice seeing my kiddos. I adore them and they, like my own children, were excited to be back! Well, for the most part...I do have those older kids who were "too tired" or "wanting to go home" to play with their newly acquired treasures. I always enjoy hearing them relive the excitement of Christmas morning: what they got for presents, what they did, what they ate...I've got those that have sparkly eyes when they talk of the wonderful gifts that Santa brought them. I've got those who were way to stressed out by all of the hustle and bustle and were just excited to get back to school and everyday routines. My sweetest encounter was probably one of my intermediate kiddos who told me that he "fake believes in Santa." I asked him what he meant by that and he told me that he knows who really puts the presents under their trees, but that he knew how important it was to his momma to have him believe and he didn't want to ruin Christmas for her...I got teary and was so touched by his story.
Like I said before, I love my job! BUT, it is a stressful job. Working at a high impact military school, there is a lot of transition of kids, bringing with it lots of paperwork. Working with the special education population has frustrations. And coming back after a nice long break, you are reminded of their ability to lose gains. And then the paperwork is back staring at you. And before you know if you're back to deadlines and drafts and meetings and parents calls and progress monitoring.
All of this stress leads to one thing for me, typically...EATING! I am for sure an emotional eater. I eat when I'm stressed for sure. And for some reason, simply walking into the building increases my hunger level tenfold. All day if I wasn't working with kids or deep in the thought of paperwork, I was thinking about food. I packed my breakfast and my lunch and lots of healthy snacks...but since there was a snow day the Friday before winter break, I had a stack of gifts on my desk. The first one I opened was a box of assorted See's chocolates. I quickly shoved it into my desk drawer and tried not to hear it calling to me. But, around 1:30, I had enough...I pulled the box out of my desk drawer, opened it and grabbed the nutrition information out. I ran it through my point calculate...5 points for 2 pieces of chocolate. Not horrible, but not typically something I'd waste points on...but, if I wanted to make it through the rest of my day, I needed it. So, I indulged and had two pieces...it was divine! I put it in my points tracker, shoved the box back into my desk drawer, and moved on with the rest of my day. I stayed under my points for the fifth day in a row, and I'm proud of myself. Now, if I can just continue the pattern of being good, I'll be smooth sailing!
Stress does horrible things...and I know I need more relaxation in my life. A good friend got my a book for Christmas that I'm excited to start reading...and a secret admirer got me a gift card for a spa date...perhaps I need to do that soon! Because a massage sounds so much better than eating a whole box of chocolates...um...maybe :)
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Smart Ones Egg White and Cheese Sandwich, two cuties oranges
Lunch: Green Chili and Cheddar Turkey Burger, and a ton of celery
Snack: two pieces of See's chocolate candy
Dinner: Whole Wheat Sandwich Roll with miracle whip, 8 chicken breast nuggets, 9 tater tots
Dessert: See's Candy Lollipop - I found out that these are only 2 points for a lollipop! They are a delicious treat and they last a long time so I feel like they are a good option!
I got an e-mail from WeightWatchers...if any of my friends are interested in joining for themselves, it is free registration right now! Check them out at www.weightwatchers.com
Once I got there I was glad...it was nice seeing my kiddos. I adore them and they, like my own children, were excited to be back! Well, for the most part...I do have those older kids who were "too tired" or "wanting to go home" to play with their newly acquired treasures. I always enjoy hearing them relive the excitement of Christmas morning: what they got for presents, what they did, what they ate...I've got those that have sparkly eyes when they talk of the wonderful gifts that Santa brought them. I've got those who were way to stressed out by all of the hustle and bustle and were just excited to get back to school and everyday routines. My sweetest encounter was probably one of my intermediate kiddos who told me that he "fake believes in Santa." I asked him what he meant by that and he told me that he knows who really puts the presents under their trees, but that he knew how important it was to his momma to have him believe and he didn't want to ruin Christmas for her...I got teary and was so touched by his story.
Like I said before, I love my job! BUT, it is a stressful job. Working at a high impact military school, there is a lot of transition of kids, bringing with it lots of paperwork. Working with the special education population has frustrations. And coming back after a nice long break, you are reminded of their ability to lose gains. And then the paperwork is back staring at you. And before you know if you're back to deadlines and drafts and meetings and parents calls and progress monitoring.
All of this stress leads to one thing for me, typically...EATING! I am for sure an emotional eater. I eat when I'm stressed for sure. And for some reason, simply walking into the building increases my hunger level tenfold. All day if I wasn't working with kids or deep in the thought of paperwork, I was thinking about food. I packed my breakfast and my lunch and lots of healthy snacks...but since there was a snow day the Friday before winter break, I had a stack of gifts on my desk. The first one I opened was a box of assorted See's chocolates. I quickly shoved it into my desk drawer and tried not to hear it calling to me. But, around 1:30, I had enough...I pulled the box out of my desk drawer, opened it and grabbed the nutrition information out. I ran it through my point calculate...5 points for 2 pieces of chocolate. Not horrible, but not typically something I'd waste points on...but, if I wanted to make it through the rest of my day, I needed it. So, I indulged and had two pieces...it was divine! I put it in my points tracker, shoved the box back into my desk drawer, and moved on with the rest of my day. I stayed under my points for the fifth day in a row, and I'm proud of myself. Now, if I can just continue the pattern of being good, I'll be smooth sailing!
Stress does horrible things...and I know I need more relaxation in my life. A good friend got my a book for Christmas that I'm excited to start reading...and a secret admirer got me a gift card for a spa date...perhaps I need to do that soon! Because a massage sounds so much better than eating a whole box of chocolates...um...maybe :)
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Smart Ones Egg White and Cheese Sandwich, two cuties oranges
Lunch: Green Chili and Cheddar Turkey Burger, and a ton of celery
Snack: two pieces of See's chocolate candy
Dinner: Whole Wheat Sandwich Roll with miracle whip, 8 chicken breast nuggets, 9 tater tots
Dessert: See's Candy Lollipop - I found out that these are only 2 points for a lollipop! They are a delicious treat and they last a long time so I feel like they are a good option!
I got an e-mail from WeightWatchers...if any of my friends are interested in joining for themselves, it is free registration right now! Check them out at www.weightwatchers.com
Sunday, January 6, 2013
What a game!
My parents do not like football. They have never been to a game. They don't watch them on TV. I'm fairly certain if I asked my dad who played today, he might be able to be tell me the Mariners...which would make me proud because at least he named a professional sports team...nevermind it wasn't a football team. The only sport that my dad watches is NHRA drag racing, which is fine! BUT, many of you may be wondering how I developed my love for the Seahawks in a home that never showed it?! My grandfather...he was such a great man, and I wanted to spend every free moment I had over at their house. One big reason was to get out of chores at home, I'm sure, but he was one of my favorite people in the world. He taught me everything I know about football! Most Sunday mornings, we would go to church and then I would run through the field to their house. I would sit at his feet helping my grandma untangle her knitting yarn and would watch the games with him. ANY game! He watched football all day, but her absolutely loved his Seahawks. I loved spending these precious moments with this man that I adored. And I grew to love football just as much, if not more, than he did. Football was the last thing I did with my grandpa. He was in the hospital in January 2001 and I went down to Harrison and sat with him and we saw the Huskies beat Purdue in the Rose Bowl. He passed away seventeen days later. My last words to him were football related...and I'm going to hold those words forever in my heart. Had I known they would be my last words to the man I love so, I might have picked different words, but in their own way, they were perfect...
So, when I married Brian, who loved football as well, I knew that for our first Christmas together I was going to get him season tickets to the Seahawks. Back then, it was a two-year wait list to get tickets, so I put my name on the waitlist and we waited patiently. Two years later, we got our tickets! We were so excited for them...and we went to our first pre-season game together. But after that, it always seemed that something came up. Brian worked and we couldn't go. Brian wanted to take other people. Or, I was pregnant and didn't think hiking up and down the stairs to row NN 100 times to pee sounded like a fun time. So, I only went to a handful of games in those first years we had our tickets. In the beginning of the 2010 season, Brian and I went to a preseason night game together and it was the best date we'd ever had. Pike's Pub for dinner, the game was awesome, we had the best chat ever on the ferry. It was perfect...then things came up and I didn't go. When he passed away in October, I panicked and put my Seahawks tickets up for same one game at a time. I sold them all on Facebook within 20 minutes. Four of those pairs were bought by friends who took me, and I am forever grateful for those people who showed my mercy and kindness and took me out for a good time when I needed it the most. You know who you all are and I love you so much!
Once things settled financially and I knew that we would survive, I kept my tickets and started going...I've only missed one home game in the last two seasons and the only game I missed I was deathly ill with a wicked combination of the flu, pneumonia, and bronchitis. It was Monday Night Football, so that's how sick I was...but this season I went to all of the home games...and, we were undefeated at home...you're welcome! :) I have my bestie who goes with me to most of the games, and life is good. Not only is it something that I love, something that takes my mind off of life in general, and something I get to do with my best friend...it's also something that reminds me of my grandfather. There is not a Sunday that goes by that he doesn't float into my head at some point: pulling on my lucky sweatshirt and socks, watching some Seattle icon raise the 12th Man flag, hearing the roar of the crown from Century Link field...my grandfather lives in all of those moments. And my love of football grows deeper and stronger as I fight to keep that connections. Getting teary at one point during tonight's Seahawks game, where they beat the Washington Reskins, Amelia asked me what was wrong. I told her that football reminded me of my grandpa. She looked at me and said, "I bet he would have loved me." The tears flowed faster and I replied, "I KNOW he would have loved you." She smiled and hugged me, and I hugged her back. My girls cheer for our Seahawks right along side me. They have never been without Seahawks cheerleader outfits. They watch the home games with me. They're gone to Super Bowl parties since they were born. And I am extremely proud to be passing football traditions down to my daughters. They're great-grandfather would be so proud also...
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast-ish: Leftover Green Chile and Cheddar Turkey Burger with miracle whip, raspberries and fat free 1/2 and 1/2 with Splenda
Lunch: Bags of Gold appetizers from Safeway...the game was on...they were losing...I go back to work tomorrow...
Dinner: Turkey Sandwich with Miracle Whip and onion, Nacho Cheese Tortilla Popchips
Dessert: Butterscotch See's Candy Gourmet Lollipop (YUM!)
So, when I married Brian, who loved football as well, I knew that for our first Christmas together I was going to get him season tickets to the Seahawks. Back then, it was a two-year wait list to get tickets, so I put my name on the waitlist and we waited patiently. Two years later, we got our tickets! We were so excited for them...and we went to our first pre-season game together. But after that, it always seemed that something came up. Brian worked and we couldn't go. Brian wanted to take other people. Or, I was pregnant and didn't think hiking up and down the stairs to row NN 100 times to pee sounded like a fun time. So, I only went to a handful of games in those first years we had our tickets. In the beginning of the 2010 season, Brian and I went to a preseason night game together and it was the best date we'd ever had. Pike's Pub for dinner, the game was awesome, we had the best chat ever on the ferry. It was perfect...then things came up and I didn't go. When he passed away in October, I panicked and put my Seahawks tickets up for same one game at a time. I sold them all on Facebook within 20 minutes. Four of those pairs were bought by friends who took me, and I am forever grateful for those people who showed my mercy and kindness and took me out for a good time when I needed it the most. You know who you all are and I love you so much!
Once things settled financially and I knew that we would survive, I kept my tickets and started going...I've only missed one home game in the last two seasons and the only game I missed I was deathly ill with a wicked combination of the flu, pneumonia, and bronchitis. It was Monday Night Football, so that's how sick I was...but this season I went to all of the home games...and, we were undefeated at home...you're welcome! :) I have my bestie who goes with me to most of the games, and life is good. Not only is it something that I love, something that takes my mind off of life in general, and something I get to do with my best friend...it's also something that reminds me of my grandfather. There is not a Sunday that goes by that he doesn't float into my head at some point: pulling on my lucky sweatshirt and socks, watching some Seattle icon raise the 12th Man flag, hearing the roar of the crown from Century Link field...my grandfather lives in all of those moments. And my love of football grows deeper and stronger as I fight to keep that connections. Getting teary at one point during tonight's Seahawks game, where they beat the Washington Reskins, Amelia asked me what was wrong. I told her that football reminded me of my grandpa. She looked at me and said, "I bet he would have loved me." The tears flowed faster and I replied, "I KNOW he would have loved you." She smiled and hugged me, and I hugged her back. My girls cheer for our Seahawks right along side me. They have never been without Seahawks cheerleader outfits. They watch the home games with me. They're gone to Super Bowl parties since they were born. And I am extremely proud to be passing football traditions down to my daughters. They're great-grandfather would be so proud also...
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast-ish: Leftover Green Chile and Cheddar Turkey Burger with miracle whip, raspberries and fat free 1/2 and 1/2 with Splenda
Lunch: Bags of Gold appetizers from Safeway...the game was on...they were losing...I go back to work tomorrow...
Dinner: Turkey Sandwich with Miracle Whip and onion, Nacho Cheese Tortilla Popchips
Dessert: Butterscotch See's Candy Gourmet Lollipop (YUM!)
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Amazing Day!
Today was a fabulous day! I got a ton of stuff done around the house, our very good friends came over and we finally did Christmas, I folded what must have been 2012's entire pile of laundry, I figured out how to upload pictures to my blog, AND I cooked a delish and healthy dinner and remembered to take pictures of the process to share the recipe with you all! So...here we go!
Tonight's main dish was Green Chili and Cheddar Turkey Burgers. This recipe was taken from WeightWatchers Tastier Than Takeout cookbook. This book is one of my favorites because the recipes in there are quick and easy, AND they are mostly kid-friendly with a few adaptations. The burgers are SO good! And WeightWatchers always does a good job of incorporating various seasonings which I find fun, and delicious! So, here's the recipe, with pictures of most of the steps!
Green Chili and Cheddar Turkey Burgers
1 pound ground skinless turkey breast
1 small zucchini, shredded
1/3 cup dried whole wheat bread crumbs (I use regular bread crumbs, or Italian)
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 (4-ounce) can diced fire-roasted green chiles, drained
1/3 cup shredded fat-free Cheddar cheese (I use 2% milk shredded Cheddar)
1/2 small red onion, thinly sliced
1 tomato, sliced
4 whole wheat sandwich thins
STEP ONE: Combine turkey, zucchini, bread crumbs, chili powder, and cumin in large bowl. Shape into 4 (3/4 inch thick) patties.
STEP TWO: Spray nonstick skillet with nonstick spray and set over medium heat. Add patties and cook until browned and instant-read thermometer inserted into side of the patties registers 165 degrees F, 4-5 minutes per side.
STEP THREE: Meanwhile mix chiles and Cheddar in medium bowl.
STEP FOUR: Top burgers evenly with cheese mixture. Reduce heat to low; cover skillet and book until cheese melts, about 2 minutes. Serve burgers, onion, and tomato on sandwich thins
Nutrition Information: 298 calories, 3g Total Fat, 32g Carbs, 8g Fiber, and 38g Protein
I have made this recipe a few times and it is SO delish! It is also really good as leftovers. So, since it makes four patties, I have dinner for me and the girls one night, and two lunches, or three - depending on if my girls decide if they like this recipe or not.
So, I hope that you enjoy! It's 7 points plus per serving, unless you make too many alterations...which I don't think my changes really matter. But, I had a few points leftover that I didn't eat tonight just in case!
Back to folding laundry...I'm almost finished I believe! Then, I'm going to snuggle in with my girls for our last night of lounging until we're back to school routine tomorrow night....BOO!
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Skipped (I know...this is horrible. I try hard, but I'm really not much of a breakfast eater. I'll try to do better!)
Lunch: Caramelized Onion and Gorgonzola Pastry Puffs, an orange - These little jewels are amazing! I don't make them. They are a Safeway Select appetizer..try them if you dare - they are SUPER addicting! I ate the whole box at lunch, which sucked away 21 points for 12 puff pastries, but they are totally worth it. They fill me up and they keep me from binging. School is starting again soon and being the stress eater that I am...I had to do it!!
Dinner: My delicious turkey burgers, OreIda Tater Tots, and asparagus! Soooo good!!
Let me know if you try the recipe, what you think, or if you made any modifications you like better!! I love to cook and am always looking for better ways of doing things!! But for now, I just use WeightWatchers's recipes! Easy for cooking, easy for calculating points...win - win!
Tonight's main dish was Green Chili and Cheddar Turkey Burgers. This recipe was taken from WeightWatchers Tastier Than Takeout cookbook. This book is one of my favorites because the recipes in there are quick and easy, AND they are mostly kid-friendly with a few adaptations. The burgers are SO good! And WeightWatchers always does a good job of incorporating various seasonings which I find fun, and delicious! So, here's the recipe, with pictures of most of the steps!
Green Chili and Cheddar Turkey Burgers
1 pound ground skinless turkey breast
1 small zucchini, shredded
1/3 cup dried whole wheat bread crumbs (I use regular bread crumbs, or Italian)
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 (4-ounce) can diced fire-roasted green chiles, drained
1/3 cup shredded fat-free Cheddar cheese (I use 2% milk shredded Cheddar)
1/2 small red onion, thinly sliced
1 tomato, sliced
4 whole wheat sandwich thins
STEP ONE: Combine turkey, zucchini, bread crumbs, chili powder, and cumin in large bowl. Shape into 4 (3/4 inch thick) patties.
STEP TWO: Spray nonstick skillet with nonstick spray and set over medium heat. Add patties and cook until browned and instant-read thermometer inserted into side of the patties registers 165 degrees F, 4-5 minutes per side.
STEP THREE: Meanwhile mix chiles and Cheddar in medium bowl.
STEP FOUR: Top burgers evenly with cheese mixture. Reduce heat to low; cover skillet and book until cheese melts, about 2 minutes. Serve burgers, onion, and tomato on sandwich thins
One of the burgers is naked on top...it goes to my oldest, who is allergic to dairy...
Nutrition Information: 298 calories, 3g Total Fat, 32g Carbs, 8g Fiber, and 38g Protein
I have made this recipe a few times and it is SO delish! It is also really good as leftovers. So, since it makes four patties, I have dinner for me and the girls one night, and two lunches, or three - depending on if my girls decide if they like this recipe or not.
So, I hope that you enjoy! It's 7 points plus per serving, unless you make too many alterations...which I don't think my changes really matter. But, I had a few points leftover that I didn't eat tonight just in case!
Back to folding laundry...I'm almost finished I believe! Then, I'm going to snuggle in with my girls for our last night of lounging until we're back to school routine tomorrow night....BOO!
FOOD FOR THE DAY:
Breakfast: Skipped (I know...this is horrible. I try hard, but I'm really not much of a breakfast eater. I'll try to do better!)
Lunch: Caramelized Onion and Gorgonzola Pastry Puffs, an orange - These little jewels are amazing! I don't make them. They are a Safeway Select appetizer..try them if you dare - they are SUPER addicting! I ate the whole box at lunch, which sucked away 21 points for 12 puff pastries, but they are totally worth it. They fill me up and they keep me from binging. School is starting again soon and being the stress eater that I am...I had to do it!!
Dinner: My delicious turkey burgers, OreIda Tater Tots, and asparagus! Soooo good!!
Let me know if you try the recipe, what you think, or if you made any modifications you like better!! I love to cook and am always looking for better ways of doing things!! But for now, I just use WeightWatchers's recipes! Easy for cooking, easy for calculating points...win - win!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Bleh...
So, I'm not sure if this blogging this is something that I want to do everyday...or if I'm just keeping up on it now because it's new. BUT, if I were to skip a day, today would be it...
I went to bed last night with a headache...and woke up this morning with an even worse headache and it stuck around all day. I also feel like since I'm nearing the end of my vacation and work is starting in three days that perhaps it is my turn to get sick...my chest feels heavy and my head is pounding...and I'm not sure that my tummy feels ok...so, I'm kind of a hot mess I suppose. So, the kids and I pretty much stayed home and laid low for much of the day. I sent them to my mom's house this morning where they stayed for all of about 30 minutes, and then came home. So, thank goodness for Netflix! This afternoon I could at least stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out from head pain so I picked up our house. If you've ever wanted to visit (which I'm guessing from my description above of the potential plague I may be developing, you don't) today would be the day to do that. You can see my carpet! Like, all of it...and once again I had the discussion with my children about picking up their toys. If they get something out, they need to put it away...and we're not getting our night time show until everything is reset back to clean. We'll see how long this lasts. Usually about a day...
So, my menu for today was sort of thrown out of the window. I was planning turkey burgers for dinner, but not feeling so hot, we changed our minds...or the girls changed my mind for me. Amelia requested potstickers and rice. Em got out a box of Mac N Cheese. I just wanted a sandwich. So, feeling much like a short order cook, I got to work and served up dinner. Now I'm sitting...and typing...and trying to get the umph to start my night routine...but I'm whipped...and my head hurts...and Emerson just ran past me with a bag of Scentsy samples flinging them around like she's a flower girl in a wedding. So...one hour...my house was completely picked up for one hour...*sigh*
AND, a side note for those that wonder, I only weigh once a week (Wednesdays) at my WeightWatchers location...I got rid of my scale at home and it was the most liberating thing I've ever done! I was chained to that scale for a while and would weigh four or five times a day. It was getting unhealthy and would predict the mood for my entire day. I don't want that, so I Goodwilled it, and haven't had one since. And I'm GLAD! Plus it's a nice surprise every week when I go weigh in what it might be! (Sometimes, it's a bad surprise, but we're going for that a lot less often now)
My food for the day: Someday maybe I will wow you with amazing recipes and pictures of my creations...I think getting back on track is going to take me a little bit...and the overwhelming panic of going back to work has me a little down. So, sandwiches are my go-to comfort food and are super easy for me to eat and stay within my points. They'll be on my food lists A LOT! AND, I need to figure out how to upload pictures here...so...for now, you just get my creative wit with no illustration...
Breakfast: Deli Counter Turkey sandwich (the best deli turkey in the universe! Check it out at Safeway...so yummy!) with mustard and miracle whip. 2% milk American cheese, and lots of onion (I love onion and use it whenever I can...sorry people), chili limon tortilla Popchips, and an apple
Lunch: 8 mini corn dogs with ketchup and mustard
Dinner: Same things as breakfast, except Salsa tortilla Popchips and no apple...
Dessert: Raspberries and cream with a little sugar
I went to bed last night with a headache...and woke up this morning with an even worse headache and it stuck around all day. I also feel like since I'm nearing the end of my vacation and work is starting in three days that perhaps it is my turn to get sick...my chest feels heavy and my head is pounding...and I'm not sure that my tummy feels ok...so, I'm kind of a hot mess I suppose. So, the kids and I pretty much stayed home and laid low for much of the day. I sent them to my mom's house this morning where they stayed for all of about 30 minutes, and then came home. So, thank goodness for Netflix! This afternoon I could at least stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out from head pain so I picked up our house. If you've ever wanted to visit (which I'm guessing from my description above of the potential plague I may be developing, you don't) today would be the day to do that. You can see my carpet! Like, all of it...and once again I had the discussion with my children about picking up their toys. If they get something out, they need to put it away...and we're not getting our night time show until everything is reset back to clean. We'll see how long this lasts. Usually about a day...
So, my menu for today was sort of thrown out of the window. I was planning turkey burgers for dinner, but not feeling so hot, we changed our minds...or the girls changed my mind for me. Amelia requested potstickers and rice. Em got out a box of Mac N Cheese. I just wanted a sandwich. So, feeling much like a short order cook, I got to work and served up dinner. Now I'm sitting...and typing...and trying to get the umph to start my night routine...but I'm whipped...and my head hurts...and Emerson just ran past me with a bag of Scentsy samples flinging them around like she's a flower girl in a wedding. So...one hour...my house was completely picked up for one hour...*sigh*
AND, a side note for those that wonder, I only weigh once a week (Wednesdays) at my WeightWatchers location...I got rid of my scale at home and it was the most liberating thing I've ever done! I was chained to that scale for a while and would weigh four or five times a day. It was getting unhealthy and would predict the mood for my entire day. I don't want that, so I Goodwilled it, and haven't had one since. And I'm GLAD! Plus it's a nice surprise every week when I go weigh in what it might be! (Sometimes, it's a bad surprise, but we're going for that a lot less often now)
My food for the day: Someday maybe I will wow you with amazing recipes and pictures of my creations...I think getting back on track is going to take me a little bit...and the overwhelming panic of going back to work has me a little down. So, sandwiches are my go-to comfort food and are super easy for me to eat and stay within my points. They'll be on my food lists A LOT! AND, I need to figure out how to upload pictures here...so...for now, you just get my creative wit with no illustration...
Breakfast: Deli Counter Turkey sandwich (the best deli turkey in the universe! Check it out at Safeway...so yummy!) with mustard and miracle whip. 2% milk American cheese, and lots of onion (I love onion and use it whenever I can...sorry people), chili limon tortilla Popchips, and an apple
Lunch: 8 mini corn dogs with ketchup and mustard
Dinner: Same things as breakfast, except Salsa tortilla Popchips and no apple...
Dessert: Raspberries and cream with a little sugar
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Seizures...
Well, day two and I'm going to blog again...a record so far! And day two I'm going to reveal something about myself that many might not know and that I work very hard to keep secret. Yeah, yesterday you all found out what I weigh...so what could be more mortifying that that??
I mentioned yesterday that I've had a rough few years. It started with some unknown medical issues, and has kinda fallen apart from there. Through the course of these unknown medical issues I have seen three neurologists, a rheumatologist, a naturopath, an allergist, an OBGYN, a couple nurse practitioners, a cardiologist, an endocrinologist, a therapist, and have had many long conversations with my daughters' pediatrician...and although I'm closer to getting answers than I was three years ago, I still suffer from unknown problems. In the course of all of these doctor visits, I have been diagnosed with many things...some may be correct even! But, the overall blanket diagnosis that everyone seems to think everything else falls under is seizures. Yup...you read right. I have been diagnosed with seizures. And they're not the kind where I flop around on the ground and foam at the mouth. I have two distinct difference kinds: One is like an absence seizure, where I could be talking to you and I'll just stare off for a bit. Just wait for it to pass, I'll be back soon. In fact, a friend of mine always welcomes me back after I've had one...so, feel free! The other looks similar to a panic attack. I get a feeling like I'm forgetting to do something and a feeling of impending doom. My chest feels tight and my breathing gets shallow or rapid. It usually lasts a few minutes and then I want to sleep...hard...I'm very difficult to wake after I've had one of these, and they don't happen as often as the absence ones, but they happen. The kicker to these seizures? They're non-epileptic seizures...What does THIS mean?? Well, I say that they're not real and everyone gets mad at me...because they are "real." I'm having "real" seizures...they just don't cause changes in my brain patterns. So, they're good ones to have. I can have these seizures and they won't fry my brain or cause damage, which is good to know because God knows I need every brain cell possible. So, if you are ever with me when I'm having a seizure, don't panic. Stay calm, I'll go through it and be back...don't call 911, don't move me, don't worry! Calling my friend Melody is on my protocol if you're with me and something happens because she knows what they look like and has seen me at my worst. Her number's in my phone if you happen to be the lucky one it happens with...
So, this story leads to the tie in between my post yesterday and my activities for the day. Washington State law dictates that anyone who has seizures cannot drive for a minimum of six months after the last seizure. So, calculating when I'll be able to drive, considering I had a seizure a few days ago according to my beautiful five-year-old who keeps track of these things for me since I have no idea I'm having them most of the time, I'm looking at least July until I'll be on the road. Soooo frustrating! Many of you know that I am on-the-go type of person. Well, not anymore! I'm at the mercy of generous people, good friends, and family to get me to and from work, appointments, and other places. They drive my children everywhere, and help me run errands. And I feel like a burden. So, in an effort to become more independent, I started ordering my groceries online at safeway.com! So slick! I think that this is the best kept secret ever. The delivery guys are so sweet, the drive up with the groceries, cart them to the door, and some of them even help carry them into the house. I had one guy ask if I needed help putting them away! (which I declined quickly...I'm a little weird about that kind of thing and need to do it all myself.) Our fridge is stocked with fruits and veggies, healthy meats, and low fat cheeses. Our pantry contains ingredient for yummy, low point recipes from my cookbooks that I use in my menu planning, and there are meals that my kiddos can enjoy for lunch or dinner if they're not liking something that I'm cooking.
For my sake so I can go back and look, and so you all have an idea of how I'm eating, I'm going to post my menus at the end of my blog posts for the day. Thanks for reading!
Breakfast: Bagel Dog with mustard (this was literally that LAST food item I had available in the house and our groceries did not arrive until noon. But, this is the beauty of WeightWatchers...you can eat whatever you want, so I can have a bagel dog for breakfast and still stay on program!)
Lunch: A giant bowl of broccoli and cauliflower, two oranges, some celery, and some carrots
Dinner: Baked steak fries, chicken breast nuggets on a whole wheat sandwich roll with miracle whip and 2% cheese
Dessert: A dark chocolate magnum bar (10 points, but sometimes it's worth it! and I had 10 points left exactly...so YUM!)
So, yesterday's post of losing weight and good health led to a GREAT first day counting points and staying on program!
Let me know if you have any questions about WeightWatchers...or about seizures...
I mentioned yesterday that I've had a rough few years. It started with some unknown medical issues, and has kinda fallen apart from there. Through the course of these unknown medical issues I have seen three neurologists, a rheumatologist, a naturopath, an allergist, an OBGYN, a couple nurse practitioners, a cardiologist, an endocrinologist, a therapist, and have had many long conversations with my daughters' pediatrician...and although I'm closer to getting answers than I was three years ago, I still suffer from unknown problems. In the course of all of these doctor visits, I have been diagnosed with many things...some may be correct even! But, the overall blanket diagnosis that everyone seems to think everything else falls under is seizures. Yup...you read right. I have been diagnosed with seizures. And they're not the kind where I flop around on the ground and foam at the mouth. I have two distinct difference kinds: One is like an absence seizure, where I could be talking to you and I'll just stare off for a bit. Just wait for it to pass, I'll be back soon. In fact, a friend of mine always welcomes me back after I've had one...so, feel free! The other looks similar to a panic attack. I get a feeling like I'm forgetting to do something and a feeling of impending doom. My chest feels tight and my breathing gets shallow or rapid. It usually lasts a few minutes and then I want to sleep...hard...I'm very difficult to wake after I've had one of these, and they don't happen as often as the absence ones, but they happen. The kicker to these seizures? They're non-epileptic seizures...What does THIS mean?? Well, I say that they're not real and everyone gets mad at me...because they are "real." I'm having "real" seizures...they just don't cause changes in my brain patterns. So, they're good ones to have. I can have these seizures and they won't fry my brain or cause damage, which is good to know because God knows I need every brain cell possible. So, if you are ever with me when I'm having a seizure, don't panic. Stay calm, I'll go through it and be back...don't call 911, don't move me, don't worry! Calling my friend Melody is on my protocol if you're with me and something happens because she knows what they look like and has seen me at my worst. Her number's in my phone if you happen to be the lucky one it happens with...
So, this story leads to the tie in between my post yesterday and my activities for the day. Washington State law dictates that anyone who has seizures cannot drive for a minimum of six months after the last seizure. So, calculating when I'll be able to drive, considering I had a seizure a few days ago according to my beautiful five-year-old who keeps track of these things for me since I have no idea I'm having them most of the time, I'm looking at least July until I'll be on the road. Soooo frustrating! Many of you know that I am on-the-go type of person. Well, not anymore! I'm at the mercy of generous people, good friends, and family to get me to and from work, appointments, and other places. They drive my children everywhere, and help me run errands. And I feel like a burden. So, in an effort to become more independent, I started ordering my groceries online at safeway.com! So slick! I think that this is the best kept secret ever. The delivery guys are so sweet, the drive up with the groceries, cart them to the door, and some of them even help carry them into the house. I had one guy ask if I needed help putting them away! (which I declined quickly...I'm a little weird about that kind of thing and need to do it all myself.) Our fridge is stocked with fruits and veggies, healthy meats, and low fat cheeses. Our pantry contains ingredient for yummy, low point recipes from my cookbooks that I use in my menu planning, and there are meals that my kiddos can enjoy for lunch or dinner if they're not liking something that I'm cooking.
For my sake so I can go back and look, and so you all have an idea of how I'm eating, I'm going to post my menus at the end of my blog posts for the day. Thanks for reading!
Breakfast: Bagel Dog with mustard (this was literally that LAST food item I had available in the house and our groceries did not arrive until noon. But, this is the beauty of WeightWatchers...you can eat whatever you want, so I can have a bagel dog for breakfast and still stay on program!)
Lunch: A giant bowl of broccoli and cauliflower, two oranges, some celery, and some carrots
Dinner: Baked steak fries, chicken breast nuggets on a whole wheat sandwich roll with miracle whip and 2% cheese
Dessert: A dark chocolate magnum bar (10 points, but sometimes it's worth it! and I had 10 points left exactly...so YUM!)
So, yesterday's post of losing weight and good health led to a GREAT first day counting points and staying on program!
Let me know if you have any questions about WeightWatchers...or about seizures...
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
January 2nd, 2013
Yeah, I know...original title, huh? Well, this is my first attempt at blogging...so we'll see how consistent I am with this. The first one is the most important one, though, right? 13 has always been my lucky number. I remember being little and telling people that my favorite number was 13. I've always liked 13. When I played sports in high school, my number was always 13. So...this is MY year!!
I have had a weight problem my whole life. As long as I can remember I have been fat. I have yo-yoed for years...going up and down and up and down...and it usually correlates to something that is going on in my life...good or bad. I was athletic in high school, but still chunky. I remember being mortifed when I got on a scale in the 10th grade in front of my peers and heard my P.E. teacher call out "220" to my peer writing our numbers down on her clipboard. I was shocked and ashamed. BUT, it didn't stop me from eating. I went off to college and while my friends were gaining their freshman 15, I was gaining my freshman 100...when I returned home from 6 years of college and started my first job, I weighed 360 pounds. I knew I needed to do something about it, so I lost 20 on my own, and then joined Weightwatchers where I lost another 100. I got married, and got pregnant the next day, and ballooned back up to 315 pounds. I lost 60, got pregnant again, and ended up back at WeightWatchers weigh in at 307 pounds...and I have struggled with this since. I was down to 242 pounds in October 2012, when emotionally I snapped. October is a rough month for me, and I'm sure I'll blog about it sometime, but it sent me on an eating binge that could have made me lose it again. BUT, tonight, January 2nd, 2013, I stopped the cycle. I walked into my WeightWatcher meeting, took the hit on my weigh-in chart, and found out that I was 271. I was devastated that I once again am losing this weight AGAIN...GRR! But this is going to be the last time. I think I can see when trouble is coming, and I'm better equipped to deal with my emotional eating. I came home from weighing in, stripped down to my underwear, and had my five-year-old take pictures of me from the front, and from the side. I will spare you THAT view for now, but I'm thinking looking at this when I'm feeling like stuffing my face will definitely be inspiring...because I can't imagine looking like this anymore. I am embarrassed and I want to be healthy. So, here we go! I'm about to kick my overeating habit and start exercising.
This last summer, I had started a couch to 10K program and I was LOVING it! Then, I sprained my ankle and my foot and couldn't do it anymore...but I'm starting again. Monday I will begin day one of the program. I also am using WeightWatchers new activelink tool, which I think will be helpful.
So, I hope that I can stick with it this time. And I hope that I have some people join up with me. I need all the support I can get! So harp away! Make me drop the cookies or the cheeseburgers or whatever else I might be eating. I ordered groceries and planned out my menus for two weeks so I'm set to go!! I'm looking forward to losing again and feeling great. So, WHO'S WITH ME??
I have had a weight problem my whole life. As long as I can remember I have been fat. I have yo-yoed for years...going up and down and up and down...and it usually correlates to something that is going on in my life...good or bad. I was athletic in high school, but still chunky. I remember being mortifed when I got on a scale in the 10th grade in front of my peers and heard my P.E. teacher call out "220" to my peer writing our numbers down on her clipboard. I was shocked and ashamed. BUT, it didn't stop me from eating. I went off to college and while my friends were gaining their freshman 15, I was gaining my freshman 100...when I returned home from 6 years of college and started my first job, I weighed 360 pounds. I knew I needed to do something about it, so I lost 20 on my own, and then joined Weightwatchers where I lost another 100. I got married, and got pregnant the next day, and ballooned back up to 315 pounds. I lost 60, got pregnant again, and ended up back at WeightWatchers weigh in at 307 pounds...and I have struggled with this since. I was down to 242 pounds in October 2012, when emotionally I snapped. October is a rough month for me, and I'm sure I'll blog about it sometime, but it sent me on an eating binge that could have made me lose it again. BUT, tonight, January 2nd, 2013, I stopped the cycle. I walked into my WeightWatcher meeting, took the hit on my weigh-in chart, and found out that I was 271. I was devastated that I once again am losing this weight AGAIN...GRR! But this is going to be the last time. I think I can see when trouble is coming, and I'm better equipped to deal with my emotional eating. I came home from weighing in, stripped down to my underwear, and had my five-year-old take pictures of me from the front, and from the side. I will spare you THAT view for now, but I'm thinking looking at this when I'm feeling like stuffing my face will definitely be inspiring...because I can't imagine looking like this anymore. I am embarrassed and I want to be healthy. So, here we go! I'm about to kick my overeating habit and start exercising.
This last summer, I had started a couch to 10K program and I was LOVING it! Then, I sprained my ankle and my foot and couldn't do it anymore...but I'm starting again. Monday I will begin day one of the program. I also am using WeightWatchers new activelink tool, which I think will be helpful.
So, I hope that I can stick with it this time. And I hope that I have some people join up with me. I need all the support I can get! So harp away! Make me drop the cookies or the cheeseburgers or whatever else I might be eating. I ordered groceries and planned out my menus for two weeks so I'm set to go!! I'm looking forward to losing again and feeling great. So, WHO'S WITH ME??
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